Fat and ugly, and so old that some bits dangle horribly.
Computer Scientist (from the age before the science was destroyed)
Database expert, per Dr E F Codd, not the pretenders
Standards (from the culture when anything that was built had a Foundation)
Engineer (from the epoch when we modelled it a hundred times; built it once; and it lasted forever)
Additional tertiary education in Cognitive Science; Philosophy (before it was transformed into mental diarrhoea)
Religious, about the above, because I am religious about religion